just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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