I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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