I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
