the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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