dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
