Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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