i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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