apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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