The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
