When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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