I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
