I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
