"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
