Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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