They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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