And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
