new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
