No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We don't watch enough power rangers
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
