I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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