My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
