sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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