Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize