Don't you send me to vm
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
