If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This house was built for laser tag.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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