he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
