3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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