dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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