fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
