ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
