well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
