The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
