Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
