haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
