he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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