the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
