I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
