My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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