Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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