i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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