I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
