You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
