WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
