oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
