we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
