my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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