I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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