no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
