I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
