Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
