Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize