I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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