Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
