He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
