Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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