Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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