Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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