My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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