This girl is more easily done than said...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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