Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
