And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
