At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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