there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
