Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
