I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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