I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
