I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
