No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
