Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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