no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Too much gin, very little bucket
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
