I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
