so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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