i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
