so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
