Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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