i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
