He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
