The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
