my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
