Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
