At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So squirting runs in the family.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
