she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she told me i tasted like america
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
