lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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