I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
FUCK WHALES
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